Some notes on Sa Wakas: The enduring triumph of the music of Sugarfree (CNN Life)
Alternatively, musings on a triumphant turtle.
Last week I got to chat with one of my favorite singer/songwriters of all time, Ebe Dancel, to talk about the 20th anniversary of Sugarfree’s debut album, Sa Wakas (2003). It was a bit of a last-minute thing over Zoom hampered by technical problems and free account limitations. I was very conscious that I haven’t interviewed anyone in a while, and was painfully aware of how clunky our conversation was going. Quite grateful that Ebe was gracious with his time and responded well (or as well as anyone could have) to my rambling, and gave me perspective of the moment and how I feel about his songs, which I wrote about for CNN Life:
My favorite Sugarfree songs are those which dance between the lines of love (or yearning for it), regret, fantasy, and promise. As one friend put it, sometimes that dynamism is a function of age, where you grow into music you didn’t fully understand in your youth. Credit also goes to the maddening simplicity of Dancel’s style, writing mainly for a guitar and using unpretentious language. Those songs connect with you like a musical Rorschach test, guiding you to what your heart needs to hear within its melodies. In the words of another friend, listening to Sugarfree is like sharing a beer with an emotionally attentive, poetic friend, but a friend nonetheless.
This took longer to write than it should have, but proud to have attempted to make sense of the event. Apart from the interview troubles, I saw three shows in two nights (including the “Sa Wakas” one) like I was in my 20s (affectionate/derogatory). Sunday was spent half-alive in a coffee shop but obviously we pulled through. Future Job always comes through for Past/Present Job, though I’m not always keen to test that theory.
Ebe said a lot of interesting things that didn’t quite fit, which I’ll just share down here. The topics don’t quite point to the question I asked or whatever we were talking about the time, but they’re just kind of describe what he was saying at the moment (edited for clarity):
On the fact that he writes a lot of love songs:
I don’t think I understand love still, but because of some people na-realize ko yung tunay na kahulugan ng pag-ibig, which takes a lot of sacrifice, you know? You have to be patient with the other person, comfort them, roll with the punches together and manage to get out of it in one piece, and I’ve experienced that 20 years since [“Sa Wakas”]. I’ve seen the good, I’ve seen the bad, and the downright ugly of it. While I don’t understand love, I believe it’s one of the most beautiful feelings one could ever feel, for better or worse.
On how his music has changed over time:
Every song we recorded felt right. Later on there were songs na, after 10 years na I felt like, parang hilaw ‘tong kantang ito. Maybe I should have spent more time on it, but that’s really not going to help you as a person. Tapos na, nandiyan na.
So what you do when you perform them live, that’s when you perform the changes [that I want]. Like, the current version of “Prom” that we play now is my most favorite. Dati it was parang frenetic eh, then later on I recorded a version of it with Yeng Constantino1 which was very pop. Then a movie asked me to, for the third time,2 sing the song again. That was very mellow naman. But the way my band plays it now, they have their own ideas about the song that I think captures yung buong essence ko talga as a musician, what I want and what I don’t want. So as exhausting as it can be having to play it over and over again, parang nabuhuhayan ako ng diwa sa kantang ‘yon, I don’t think it ever gets old.
How he’s grown in 20 years since:
The older you get, hopefully the wiser you become. I wasn’t the biggest fan of being a student, but early on I understood that equally important lessons are learned outside of the classroom. What you have to go through every shapes you as a person. I think I’ve seen everything. There’s still some aspects of it that I can’t comprehend. Dati I used to feel down about not knowing, pero siguro later on mas naging sigurado na lang ako na uncertainty is constant in life. It’s really like walking into the dark not knowing you’re going to hit a wall but at some point you will hit that wall. But you’re never gonna get past it if you don’t walk. Life is a huge gamble.
For a time I felt like I was always competing with my ghosts. Is this ever going to be good enough or better than the previous ones. But now I really don’t care. As long as I put out songs that I want to release and that I’m happy with, and then if people happen to catch on and like them then good. If it doesn’t, I believe it doesn’t diminish my value. It's just that people change preferences all the time. People get old, grow out of some preferences. That’s okay. I think bahagi ng buhay yon.
Thanks to
and CNN Life editor Don Jaucian (whose new book Brief Histories (2022) you have to check out) for the opportunity to contribute.Do also check out Alex Almario’s thoughts on Sa Wakas’ 15th anniversary, coincidentally also for CNN Life, where he talks about the album in relation to pre-internet heartbreak:
Loneliness was so much lonelier in the early aughts. “Sa Wakas” is suffused with a closed-door intimacy that no longer seems possible now. “Unang Araw” sounds like the internal dialogue you have when you’ve been alone in your room for days, falling helplessly into the acceptance stage of grief because time has gravity that a closed space will not allow you to escape. Dancel sings about missing the woman he loves in an almost soft cry, as the guitars and the drums fall like fists hitting a wall; the louder the song gets, the more it sounds like denial on its death throes. “Nasanay lang sigurong nandiyan ka, ‘di ko inakalang puwede kang mawala” is exactly the sort of thing you say when you’re still young enough to believe that things can last.
Personally had no idea this version existed, and apologies to everyone but it’s decidedly my least favorite.
This was for “Never Not Love You” (2018) starring James Reid and Nadine Lustre. Have not seen the movie but this was a great song.